Well, it's 3:30 in the morning...

And I am up. No, not in labor, but I can definitely blame this on the little stinker inside my tummy. Usually this baby is quite mellow and doesn't move much, but for some reason tonight I am getting all kinds of movement which includes head-butting my bladder so I have to keep running to the bathroom, and little feet (or a bottom - can't tell tonight which) are sticking themselves up into my ribs. I think my body is starting to train itself to run on little sleep. I have been getting RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome) horribly - to the point that I will try ANYTHING! I even broke down and put a bar of soap at the bottom of the bed based on an old wives' tale, because.... why not?? The worst that can happen is my sheets will smell like soap! Today Troy and I took an easy walk with the dogs and I think it actually helped things! Well, until about half an hour ago that is. And now the restlessness is back, and I am up blogging.

It isn't just that though - It's hard to turn my brain off. Now that we are another week closer, the nerves are even stronger. I'm getting more excited, but still so very nervous. Our baby will be here almost any day now. I'm nervous about labor (who WOULDN'T be??), nervous to be a parent, nervous of the change. Yet, this is also a dream come true - it's what I have wanted since I was a little girl playing with my beloved Raggedy Ann doll, and I really am so grateful that God allowed me to become pregnant and safely carry a child this far.

So, now with my mind turning, a baby having a party in my belly, and my legs needing to be stretched and massaged, I sit here and wonder..... will I ever sleep again???? :-)

Less Than 6 Weeks....

D-Day is coming! Delivery day, that is. I can't believe how close we are! I feel like I am always getting things checked off the to-do list I constantly have running through my head. Put crib together: check! Choose and meet with our baby's pediatrician: check! Get new, bigger "family car": check! Wash blankets, tiny sleep sacks, toys, and onesies in scent-free, dye-free detergent: check! Pack hospital bag: umm.... working on that.

We had our 32-week sonogram and it was so very exciting to see our baby again! She/he is very calm and very big! Baby was already measuring to be just under 5 lbs! Slept through the whole thing, even after I ate 2 cookies and some fruit to try and wake it up for the sonogram. Well, if she/he is still this mellow and a good sleeper outside of the womb, we will be some very thrilled first-time parents!

Troy is getting his golf games in while he can, but has been an awesome help around the house and getting things prepared. We know we will be having lots of visitors this summer, so yard work and a prepared guest room are also on the long list. We are nearly there! I have just some final things to put away in the baby's room and give it a good cleaning, and I think it will be as ready as it can be!

I am so excited. Feeling more ready every day to meet this little sweetheart. I can't wait to kiss this child and comfort it. I can't wait to see what God has planned for our family and who He is adding to it. Thank you God, for giving me the desires of my heart. May I do everything I can to be the wife and mother you created me to be.

Happy May Day!

May 1st already! Wow, wow, wow, time is zooming! Over 31 weeks now, and I get my restrictions lifted in less than 6 weeks - yahoo! We are getting more and more ready for our family to grow to 3 (or 6 if you count the dogs, which pathetically we do). This week we meet with the pediatrician we have chosen to discuss what will happen at the hospital when Baby arrives, vaccinations, circumcision if it's a boy, etc, etc. We have a birthing DVD lent from my doctor to watch, our last sonogram next week, and a baby shower in 4 weeks. Whew! The baby's room is almost as ready as it is going to be. I have a few things to put away, and Troy is going to start on the crib next week, but otherwise it's done. I did everything brown and white so it will be easy to add pink or blue accents later. A good feeling!

Troy has been awesome through all of this. For whatever reason I could not sleep at all last night, and he so patiently stayed up with me and did everything he could to help me. I don't know what I would do without him. He lets me whine to my heart's content and serves me daily. There is a Rascal Flatts song that makes me think of him and I cry every time I hear it because it is so what's in my heart. It's called "Here", and I won't type out the whole thing, but I do love the chorus which goes as follows:

"And I wouldn't change a thing; I'd walk right back through the rain. Back to every broken heart on the day that it was breaking. And I'd relive all the years, and be thankful for the tears I cried with every stumbled step that lead to you, and brought me here."

I am so thankful for my soulmate and best friend, and everything I went through to get to this point in my life. I have everything I always wanted and prayed for. An amazing man who loves me, a beautiful home, and now a child of my own. How could I ever ask more? God is so very good to me!!!

Gracious Sakes!

Has it really been two months since I have posted? Well, time keeps marching on and my pregnancy is flying by! I am now 28 weeks, 3 days, the start of my 3rd trimester, and getting bigger daily. I must be big enough now that people aren't so shy to ask me when I am due - it's quite obvious that I am not chubby, I am with child. Finally! That was a tough stage of pregnancy to go through a couple of months ago. When it was so obvious to those who knew me that my body was changing due to pregnancy, but to the rest of the world I looked like I had no waist and maybe should cut back on those milkshakes. It makes a woman want to wear shirts that say "baby on board", or "I'm not fat; I'm pregnant". Well, like I said, at least that phase has passed and there seems to be no question about what is going on with me these days.

All seems to be going fairly well, although as of two weeks ago I did get orders from the doctor to be on partial bed rest. Nothing too concerning, just a few early labor steps that my body is starting to take, and so they are being cautious. I was told to cut back my work hours significantly, no exercise, no gardening (boo!), no big grocery trips (ie: Costco), no heavy lifting, and pretty much not much of anything except to lie on the couch. At first I thought it might not be so bad, but now that I am two weeks into it, it is much harder than I thought. You see, I am in nesting mode, and I can't clean or rearrange furniture like I want to. And we weren't quite prepared for the financial surprise of me going to part time this early. I just have to remind myself that God is my ever-present and faithful Father. He knew this would happen, and He will not let us fall. I have no concerns about my baby's health - I have full confidence this child will be safely born at the perfect time. If I have learned nothing else throughout this pregnancy it has been this: this child, whomever it is I am carrying, is meant to be. He/she has had the Hand of God on it since day one. If I can't hand over the fear and control to God before my baby is born, will I ever be able to? This is no accident, and God has big plans for my baby. It is a long story, but I knew God had given me a baby before I ever took a pregnancy test. So I have no doubt that boy or girl, healthy (by the world's standards) or not, this child's birth day has been chosen and planned by the One who created it, and we will watch it come to pass. However, I will still be a wise parent who will do whatever I can to keep my child safe, and will follow the doctor's orders.

In 4 more weeks we get another 4D ultrasound, and I can NOT wait!!! I so badly want to see my baby's face, and see who it looks like. What features it seems to have and from whom. Last ultrasound, I thought the baby had strong Glidewell features and looked much like my niece. So I am curious if this time I still think that, or if the Peissig characters will be there. This child has a handsome father, who was a BEAUTIFUL baby, so I would be so happy for it to look like him. In fact, I would love for my child to be as much like his/her father as possible! Troy is such a wonderful person, and the world sure could use another him.

I spent a long, long time praying tonight. Praying for wisdom as a wife, and wisdom as a mother. Praying that both Troy and I will fall in love with this baby as soon as we see it. Praying that we will exemplify God so that our children will also want to know the God we serve. Praying he/she won't make the same mistakes Troy and I have in our life. Praying God will provide for our family financially. And I realized that I never once prayed for the health of the baby. I have a new pet-peeve. It is the saying "It doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it is healthy". So, what do people do when they have a child who isn't considered healthy? You know what? We will take this baby, however it comes out, and we will be THANKFUL!!! And yes, I suppose I do want a baby that is considered healthy, but it isn't something I am concerned about. It is who it is, and we will love and cherish it.

My sweet child, you have the hand of God on you, and I can not wait to meet you!

My baby is BEAUTIFUL!

We saw her! Okay, i don't really know it's a her, but I think so, so in this post "it" will be "her" :-) I am over half-way through my pregnancy now, and we had the joy of watching our sweet little one on the ultrasound machine last week. I LOVED it! I could have laid there for hours, mesmerized by watching my baby's every movement. My baby. Still seems so surreal!

She seems to be passive, at least so far. She was content to just lay there and slowly move and stretch those little arms and sweet little hands and fingers. I must be falling in love. I want to watch our ultrasound video over and over, and cry every time I see those sweet fingers - oh to kiss them!!!! As my mother used to say "my lips were quivering", I just wanted to kiss those hands! And then we watched the most amazing thing - she took that tiny hand with tiny fingers, slooowly moved them up to her mouth, got them in, and then started sucking away. It looks to be her two middle fingers - the same ones my niece and nephew both sucked. Amazing.

Beyond just getting to watch her, it was wonderful to get a clean bill of health and see that SO FAR our child seems to be perfect and right on track. I already am counting down until our next ultrasound!!! I love her.

Whoops -

I guess I got a little busy lately and completely forgot about blogging! I had a friend kind enough to text me and tell me she missed seeing new updates on here - thanks friend! :-) Well, life has been..... good! I am 18 weeks, 2 days, into this pregnancy and really feeling good now. The constant nausea is gone, some of my energy is back, and I can say that I am enjoying being pregnant. It's strange to look in the mirror and see my body changing. You know it's going to happen, but it's still strange to watch it. My skin is already feeling tight around my stomach and I can't imagine how it will feel come this summer! Hormones are raging and I find myself crying because I want something certain to eat, but can't get it. Silly? Yes, I know that, but it's like my body has a mind of it's own sometimes, and the tears will come whether I want them to or not.

I still have my anxiety attacks sometimes. Will I enjoy having children? What if I am a terrible parent? What if I dislike my own flesh and blood? What if it comes between Troy and I? Will I lose who I am after I have a child? The unknown is exciting, yet scary.

I have been amazed at all the "free advice" we have been given since announcing our pregnancy. Examples: "Better sleep now, because you'll never have it again!' Um, thanks? "You're not finding out the sex? You're crazy! You can't bond with it or plan unless you know." Well listen people, it's not like we're NEVER going to know what it is, and this is the road WE (the parents) chose. "Oh, get the epidural, you don't want to do it natural." Actually, I DO want to try it natural. Key word: try. "You might love your dogs now, but just wait, once the baby is born you'll never take them for a walk again!" Yeah, maybe you're right, but don't tell me that now - that just makes me cry. Sheesh.

And then of course, I learned really fast why you don't tell people your baby names. Now the answer is "no, we have not decided on anything."

Overall though, I feel so blessed and am enjoying every minute of this. What an exciting time, and what an answer to prayer! I ordered a crib yesterday and my stomach had butterflies (or maybe that was the baby moving again!). It was a big step - the first baby item I have let myself buy. But it was exactly what I wanted, so I just went for it. Now I can't wait to set it up and stare at it, knowing that sometime very soon, it will be occupied with the sweet child I have been wanting my whole life. Wow, I am a blessed woman indeed!

Change is SCARY!!!!

At least, for me it is. I don't do well with change. I never have. I remember when I was young, crying because my parents got rid of a beloved red sofa and chair. I didn't want new furniture, i wanted the same old familiar couch that I used to sit on the back of and pretend it was my horse (oh yes, there are pictures!). I cried when my dad sold one of our cars. Every time. It didn't matter that we would get a new, possibly nicer one. I wanted the OLD one. It was change, and I hated it.

Two years ago my parents did a huge remodel of their home, and, you guessed it - I cried. It was tough. Sometimes it still is. I'm very nostalgic you see, and sometimes I want to go back to my old bedroom and remember "the good old days", but I can't. It's gone. Oh, I understand the reality of everything, and how change is necessary, but it doesn't mean that it is easy for me to handle. Sometimes Troy wants to rearrange the furniture and that baffles me. Why change it? The furniture is great the way it is. I know where everything is at and my little comfort zone doesn't have to be pushed.

So, occasionally, and lately, I have panic attacks. You see, my life is on the brink of one of the most massive changes EVER!!! I'm. Having. A. Baby. A BABY!!! A child. I'll be someone's mother. A little person that is forever linked to me. It won't just be about me and Troy anymore. No more doing what WE want, when we want. No more just throwing the dogs into the car and going for a drive. No more (*tears*) sleeping in as late as we want!!! Ach! So scary!

Of course it's what I want, and everyone says it will be the best thing we've done, but it still is terrifying. From financial stress to the responsibility of being in charge of another human being, more than anything it is CHANGING my life. Forever. What if I give everything to this child and one day it turns around and tells me it hates me? What if our personalities don't click and my own flesh and blood annoys the heck out of me? Does this ever happen?

I just pray that God will prepare me as best He can for this massive change and that I will daily remain thankful for it. It's strange to even see how my body is changing. I share it now. I think about what I put into my mouth, and even what I say. Little ears are listening now, or at least will be soon. I want it to always know that even though change is so scary for it's mommy, this life was prayed for and wanted. And I pray also that God will help me prepare for the ever-moving roller coaster we are just getting started on!