Whoops -

I guess I got a little busy lately and completely forgot about blogging! I had a friend kind enough to text me and tell me she missed seeing new updates on here - thanks friend! :-) Well, life has been..... good! I am 18 weeks, 2 days, into this pregnancy and really feeling good now. The constant nausea is gone, some of my energy is back, and I can say that I am enjoying being pregnant. It's strange to look in the mirror and see my body changing. You know it's going to happen, but it's still strange to watch it. My skin is already feeling tight around my stomach and I can't imagine how it will feel come this summer! Hormones are raging and I find myself crying because I want something certain to eat, but can't get it. Silly? Yes, I know that, but it's like my body has a mind of it's own sometimes, and the tears will come whether I want them to or not.

I still have my anxiety attacks sometimes. Will I enjoy having children? What if I am a terrible parent? What if I dislike my own flesh and blood? What if it comes between Troy and I? Will I lose who I am after I have a child? The unknown is exciting, yet scary.

I have been amazed at all the "free advice" we have been given since announcing our pregnancy. Examples: "Better sleep now, because you'll never have it again!' Um, thanks? "You're not finding out the sex? You're crazy! You can't bond with it or plan unless you know." Well listen people, it's not like we're NEVER going to know what it is, and this is the road WE (the parents) chose. "Oh, get the epidural, you don't want to do it natural." Actually, I DO want to try it natural. Key word: try. "You might love your dogs now, but just wait, once the baby is born you'll never take them for a walk again!" Yeah, maybe you're right, but don't tell me that now - that just makes me cry. Sheesh.

And then of course, I learned really fast why you don't tell people your baby names. Now the answer is "no, we have not decided on anything."

Overall though, I feel so blessed and am enjoying every minute of this. What an exciting time, and what an answer to prayer! I ordered a crib yesterday and my stomach had butterflies (or maybe that was the baby moving again!). It was a big step - the first baby item I have let myself buy. But it was exactly what I wanted, so I just went for it. Now I can't wait to set it up and stare at it, knowing that sometime very soon, it will be occupied with the sweet child I have been wanting my whole life. Wow, I am a blessed woman indeed!