My Gramps

Wednesday, May 5, 2010, will go down as one of the hardest days in my life. On that day, my wonderful grandfather (my mom's dad), my Gramps, passed away. It was sort of unexpected, but sort of not. He had been sick the last few months with MRSA, which had caused a blood disorder they could not get control of. Last week the doctors informed us they could not do anything else for him and they were just going to let it do whatever it was going to do. Wednesday morning he started bleeding internally, and we knew that was the end.

It was unexpected because my whole life I have been so proud of my very strong Gramps. When you picture a grandfather, you picture someone kind of fragile, with a soft voice, using a cane or walker. We always chuckled when someone would then meet OUR grandfather. You could see the surprise in their eyes as a 6'2, burly strong man, with the largest hands and feet you've ever seen, and loudest voice you can imagine came barreling into the room. And he was not a shy man. He and my grandmother met when he was in the service during WWII, walked into a dance hall where she was working, tossed his hat to the side and announced "Here I am, you lucky people!" He was charismatic with a capital 'C'! In my mind, my grandfather could do ANYTHING! So when he could not beat this infection, it stunned me.

He was a fighter to the end. Never complained, never surrendered. When the nurse came in and sadly informed us she was going to turn his pace-maker off, we all began to cry. But crying turned to laughter when she later announced it would not shut off! Yep, that's our Gramps - never giving up! If he was afraid to die, he didn't let on. He smiled, chatted, laughed, and loved, right up to his last breath.

My Gramps was a wealth of knowledge. That is part of what makes me cry. What a loss to this world, and the world doesn't even realize it! What information went with my Gramps to his grave? What did we miss out on knowing? I'm sure so much! He was a true Montana mountain man - born and raised on an indian reservation, he grew up riding his horse to school. He was the first hunter safety instructor in Montana. We all grew up understanding and respecting guns as well as nature. He was a blacksmith and could shoe a horse at lightening speed. He was a great cook, and one very special birthday cooked me a delicious meal I will always remember. He fought wars and survived. He once was so badly electrocuted, that any regular man would have died, but of course my Gramps was so big and strong, it was just another thing he lived to tell about. He did beautiful woodwork and made me a jewelry box and cutting boards that I love and cherish. In his late 70's he decided he wanted to learn to play the guitar. So he did! He took lessons and played beautifully. What couldn't my Gramps do? You know what, I can't think of a thing!

He loved his God and loved his family. He was a passionate man who stood firm in his beliefs. His last words to us were a reminder to stand firm in our faith, stay true to the Lord, and live by God's Word. "Be successful in the Lord", is what he said.

When I think of Gramps now, all I can hear is his laugh. Oh, how he laughed! I don't think I have known a more positive man. I cry that my children will never know him. I will never have pictures of them being held in his giant hands. I will never hear him laugh at their funny antics. And that hurts my heart so bad it almost suffocates me. I wanted him to be proud of me, as I was so proud of him. And I think he was. He LOVED Troy and was so pleased when we were married. In fact, he was so excited he bought a new suit just for our wedding! That melted my heart and made me feel so special. He played his guitar at our rehearsal dinner, and played a love song he had selected just for us. I remember when Gramps first met Troy. Then and there he wanted Troy for his grandson! He got his wish and I am so happy he was there to see us marry.

Hero. That was the best word to sum him up. A heart-wrenching moment was when I talked on the phone to my brother right after Gramps' passing. My brother became all choked up and brokenly said "My hero is gone."

Oh Gramps, my heart misses you already! My arms ache to get a big bear hug from you just one more time. My eyes wish so badly to be able to see you holding my children. I will ask my God to grant me a favor. I will ask him to introduce to Gramps the baby I miscarried. And that baby can be loved on by my beloved Gramps and together they will wait for the rest of us to someday join them.

Yes, May 5th was a yucky day. One of the greatest men I know left this world. But I can't help but smile as I picture him setting foot into heaven, tossing his head back in a great laugh, and announce "Here I am, you lucky people!"

Dedicated to Elvin "Smitty" Smith. 1923 - May 5, 2010 (a/k/a too soon). I love you!!!