6 Weeks and Counting -

Well, God has seemed to show me mercy and at least for now has answered my prayer to keep this baby! After 5 days of not-so-good symptoms, a blood test, and lessons in peace and faith, all is well at this time. Friday marked 6 weeks pregnant and half-way through my first trimester! Next Monday is our first official doctor appointment and ultrasound. I never got that far with my last pregnancy, so I can't even wrap my mind around what it will be like to (hopefully!) see a tiny beating heart, and know that there really is a life inside me.

If the blood tests weren't enough confirmation for me that I am pregnant, I suppose I now can trust all the symptoms I am having. The tears that come to my eyes every time I accidentally hit myself in my "upper extremity" (trying to be tactful here in case my father or brothers read this- hee hee) or clutch something a little too tight, the strong waves of nausea that for no reason like to come upon me any time of the day which leave me dry-heaving and gagging, my incredible sense of smell which often starts the gagging again, and the desire to sleep 18 of the 24 hours in my day. But I really don't want to complain. Because it is what I have been wanting since February of this last year. It means my body is doing an amazing thing and I thank God for giving me these great symptoms to remind me He is faithful and merciful.

I of course still fight every day the fear that I am going to miscarry again. Every time I feel a twinge in my abdomen I worry that it means I have an ectopic pregnancy. If I am not feeling sick or tired, I worry it's a bad sign. How do God and Troy put up with me???

Overall though, I have learned a great lesson in peace and handing control over to God. As I wrote last time, accepting what I can not change (or control). This baby has been so prayed over that I know if I lose it, it is part of a greater plan. It is no accident - just as it's conception has been no accident. But I will continue to plan and hope that all will be fine and in about 7.5 months I will finally see the face of the child I have been praying for. I am praying for it constantly - that it will love Jesus and make this world a better place. Anything else beyond that will be frosting on the cake. Hopefully someday it will read these entries and know how wanted it is and was. It is so precious and I am so honored that for today, God has entrusted me with one of His beautiful creations. For however long I get to keep it, I will happily do so.