Slacker!

Okay, I am a slacker at this blogging thing lately!!! Definitely a few things of interest have happened lately. NO, I'm not pregnant :-( But sadly my baby bug does seem to be increasing. *sigh* Patience is SO HARD!!! I sit and wonder why it is that some women get pregnant at the drop of a hat, and others, like me, have to work so hard for it. Then of course it isn't just about getting pregnant, but also praying that once you are pregnant you make it 9 months without anything happening. Or even 8 months. I have to believe that it is God's plan for us to have children when His timing is perfect. But oh, my heart aches every time I see a woman with a baby or a cute little pregnant belly. Sometimes it feels like someone is literally taking my heart and squeezing it super tight. Sometimes it gets squeezed so tight that tears leak out of my eyes!

I have started the supplements the doctor gave me, but one month in it has seemed that it's not doing what it is supposed to. They want me to come back in and do further testing but I have decided to wait a couple of months before doing that. First off, I am not ready to put $300 down for it, and secondly, I emotionally feel like I need a break before starting a whole new procedure. And I guess thirdly, I still believe that God can heal my body without having to do expensive testing and procedures, and I want to give Him time to do that. Perhaps we still will have to continue on with medical help, but I will make that decision in another month or so.

Meanwhile, I can't help but think that I would have been 8 months pregnant now. Such a strange thought. And I never dreamed that it would take this long before getting pregnant again. I truly thought I would have spent this summer planning for a baby, even after the miscarriage. It would be easy for me to wallow in self-pity but I really do work to enjoy all the other blessings my life has right now, even without a baby. I still am blessed, and the easiest way to keep your heart from becoming hard and angry is to maintain a thankful attitude. Life certainly could be much worse!!!

Our 2-year anniversary is coming up next weekend and I am so thankful for the wonderful man who stands beside me and puts up with all my emotional drama (thank you hormones!). But I know myself and I know that I won't quit praying that at our 3 year anniversary our family will have expanded to more than just another new dog (oh yes, we did!). Because, as discouraged as I get, I still am an eternal optimist who believes my God gives us the desires of hearts! So, twins then Lord? ;-)